Orses!

I iz shur menny ovver BTs hav to suffer blinkin orses in theyr lifs too, not just me. But dis is wot I am finkin bowt blasted cweeturs. Fer start it sez in bweed infermashun that BTs shud be able to follow orse all day. Wot? I iz not followin enny orse enny where let lone all days.That iz just wude.

Mum haz alwayz had dese anifurs, fer weesons I don’t unnerstan. Barty, wot is name of pesky orse we duz hav, iz much older than I iz and alweddy waz there wen I awwived. But I soon weelized I shud be senter of Mum’s egsistuns n he iz just disstwakshun. Plus he iz always wantin stuff wich costs munny I cud use fer impawtunt perchasis like noms n toys. All I hears iz “Barty needs”…new wug, new shoos, the dentist, his saddul checkin or stuffin or somefin. Then fud! Boy, can that fing eet! He is nevver stoppin wiv munchin saks n saks fud,hooj bundulls hay, caruts, appuls, tweats, mints. Here is foto of ugly fing lookin moff eaten ( he iz not stripped but shaved n haz to keep frunt half of fayse furry as iz grate big hed is emptee n gets lot of cold air in)

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I duz sometime go wiv him in wuds where there is no woads to go on n I kwite enjoyz it, not cos I am wiv der orse AND I iz definatly not followin beehind of him, but cos we can go farster than wen Mum is twudgin along in wellinton boots!

Fer long time we had littel lowwy fer orse n that wuz gud cos he was shovvered inthe bak wile I wud be in frunt cab wiv Mum helpin ter dwive n cud fergit he wuz even there! It waz gud as we went playces where I cud wotch wot was happenin in warmf of lowwy and ennyway I duz like twavellin vewy muchly. We evven went on holibobs to stay wiv a mad woman in Dorrset’s howse wiv de orse too. She iz vewy nice woman but iz also mad, she haz lots hoomins n orses to stay at her hoam, but only speshul furs like me.

Furst time I went ther was bit of uppset as I fownd small hole in fence of gardin and went aventurin fru it. Ovver side I did find chikkins fer furst time n waz havin splendid time of chaserin them befaw enormus wow, lots bad werds n big twubbles. Lukky mad woman waz not likin naybor n fownd all vewy funny but Mum was cwoss n sed I cudnt come ovver times if I did this. Pfft!

Ennyways, I is digwessin, manely az chasin chikkins is more intwestin than witin bowt orses. I iz finkin dat orses is wun of most stoopid cweeturs wot egsist in wurld. Barty sleeps in stabul n playz all day in nice feeld. So why duz he let Mum tak him owt n mak him cawwy her wownd countweesides? Mum has vewy gud feets n legs of her own, duznt need orse. Big confusment to me.

Gud fing bowt him bein stoopid iz he duznt weelize I carnt stand his fur at enny pwice n wud murders him if I cud. I duz show him dis by bitin him wenevver I get charnce but dusnt seem to hurt him ceptin on hiz fat nose. He haz lurned that if I wants his fud he must giv it to me or I will biter nose which is wun fing at leest. Here I iz bwavely gardin stoopid fing wot iz cowhawdly hidin in stabul az scared of evewyfing, speshly vets.

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Wun time Mum deesided to hav fotos taken wiv me to comemwate a big burfday, carn’t tell yoo wich as I dusnt be able to cownt that hi on my paws. We got in lowwy n went to posh fotogwaffy place. It waz all wite indors wiv umbwellas n vewy nice laydy takin fotos of me wiv Mum in bakgwownd. Then, vewy wude! She sez bring in orse! Yes, in MY fotograffy seshun. She takin piktchas of all of uz but I did put on sulkin fayce fer that. He waz spoylin bewtifull fotos of me!

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It duz seem I as to put up orse as not goin away, n my plan to sell him didn’t werker owt vewy well. Leest orse is not livin in owse or even in gardin so I can fergit bowt him sum of time. Not like if we did hav catt!

So my simpaffy is wiv all my BT pals like Harrison and Eric who also havs these cweeturs affektin their lifs. Sum hoomins gwows owt of dem so hoap fer Eric, but as Mum alweddy of ainshunt age I iz not so lukky! Pfft!

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